Road to nowhere - p16

Christy screamed and jumped in her place. She heard a squeaking sound and her body was pushed forward forcefully. Her chest hit something hard. She raised her hands and they touched something hard on top of her. She started to panic. She was trapped; she was inside an enclosed space.
She could not breathe. She started panting loudly. She heard voices and a door clicked open. Now she could feel a cold wind blowing at her from her side. It meant an opening. She moved towards it. The solid surface under her body suddenly ended and she fell forward. Her hands touched the cold soil.
She breathed in relief and pulled herself free. The blinding whiteness around her started to disappear. She was in the opening. Her breathing started to get back to normal. She collapsed on the ground. She could smell dust. It was soothing. Now she could hear a voice next to her, "It's ok Christy. We're here … I'm here. Breathe, please breathe. You're gonna be fine."
She opened her eyes. A worried face was right in front of her. She saw the caramel colored eyes covered with smoky makeup. The quivering plush lips were murmuring something. She took another breath in and hiccupped. The face in front of her smiled at her. She knew this smile.
"Bill!"
"Yes, it's me. It's me Christy."
She was lying on the ground. Bill was lying right in front of her on the cold soil so he could see her face. His white dreadlocks were falling down on his shoulders. She pushed herself up with some force.
"What happened?"
"You had fallen asleep in the car."
"In the car?"
"Yeah, in our car, remember?"
She rubbed her forehead. Bill and Tom, the twins. They were all coming back from an old white-haired lady's funeral, the twins' grandmother's funeral. She was in their car. They were giving her a ride. Now she could remember everything.
"You had a nightmare I guess. You screamed and woke up with a start."
"Oh my God. Right, I was having a nightmare."
She felt terrible. The metallic taste was still in her mouth. She rolled her tongue in her mouth and flinched as her tongued rolled over her inner cheek. She had bit her cheek and now a piece of flesh hung loose. Her insides turned painfully.
"Did you stop the car?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"  
"You started screaming" Bill looked at her and answered, "you screamed Ken … Ken … who is … Ken?"
Christy's heart skipped a beat. She looked at Bill who was now sitting in front of her, closer than usual. She blinked. Silence was getting heavier. They could even hear the sound of soil particles brushing against the plants around them. Christy blinked and her face turned into an agonized puzzled expression.
"I … I … don't … know. I can't remember."  
Bill looked at Tom who was looking at her. She rubbed her forehead. Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration. She was trying to remember. The more she thought about it, the worse the pain in her head got. She shook her head violently, like she was trying to shake the pain off.
"I don't know … someone I knew, someone from the school, my past … I don't know."
Bill could see her getting paler. He realized he shouldn't force her into remembering.
"Ok, that's enough. Don't push yourself too hard. Do you think you can get back to the car?"
Christy swallowed hard. It felt like her heart had jumped up into her throat and had been stuck there. Still it was beating so fast and hard that she started to get scared. It could explode any minute. Tom could see the panicked look on her face.
"Do you want me to bring you a paper bag? Or your pills?"
"No … I can do it … I used to do it … I'll be fine soon."
She closed her eyes. Her fingers aimlessly searched on the ground. Bill's hand was very close to her. Her fingers accidentally bumped into his. First, she pulled her hand back, but even this small touch had given her some feeling of warmth, some feeling of security, being with a human being.
She already craved for the sensation of warmth again. She carefully slid her hand forward. The side of her hand brushed against Bill's fingers. She let her hand rest there. The hand on the ground was warm and alive. She started humming a song under her breath.
Tom looked at her and smiled when he saw the colour returning to her cheeks. Christy could feel her heart literary sliding down her throat, moving back to its place. Bill started humming with her. She smiled.
Tom sighed and shook his head. He walked back to the car and grabbed his peacoat. He walked noisily towards Christy. Before putting it around her shoulders he said, "I'm putting my coat around you. Is that ok?"
Christy did not open her eyes. She nodded and hummed louder. Tom put the coat around her and went back to the car. He sat at the wheel and took a cigarette out. He was still tense.
Christy had screamed murder in the car and had jumped kicking the seat and pounding her fists desperately on the ceiling. He had not graduated med school and had not told her that he wanted to be a psychologist, but he knew enough to see the signs of a person who was claustrophobic. He knew that they had to let her out of the car before she had another seizure. He had been right all along.
Now Christy was sitting on the cold ground with Bill close to her. It was the first time he saw her this close to any of them. She trusted them. He was happy about it, really happy.

"So … I think this is it."
Tom pulled over at the side of the street. They looked up at the old building in front them. Christy took another look at the envelope she was holding and checked the number of the building. It was the right address. She clenched her teeth.
"Will you … will you guys wait for me?"
"Of course we will." Bill said, reassuring her, "I'll make sure your friend has a place for you and then we'll leave. We won't be going far even then. We live in the same town. It's not New York, you know. It's just a small town."
Christy nodded and pulled her hoodie over her face. She held the door handle in her hand and exhaled loudly. She opened the door and stepped out of the car. She walked towards the building door hesitantly and waited for a few seconds before she pushed her finger on one of the doorbells. Bill and Tom watched her as someone buzzed her in. She pushed the door and disappeared behind the heavy black doors of the building.
Bill furrowed his eyebrows and said thoughtfully, "who do you think she's come to see?"
"She said a friend."
"Do you believe her?"
"No."
"So?"
"Wanna ask her?"
"Nah! You?"
"Me, neither. It's her own business. We shouldn't poke our noses into her business. Especially you, with that big nose of yours."
Bill touched his sculpture like nose and protested, "My nose is perfect!"
Tom laughed cheerfully. He really enjoyed teasing his perfectionist brother.
"She'll tell us if she wants to, if she chooses not to tell us anything … it's her call."
They sat in silence, listening to the song being played on the radio. Bill had not even realized that they were listening to rap music now. He stared at a homeless man who was walking on the other side of the street, pushing a trolley with his belongings in it. He would stop every now and then to check the garbage cans to see if he could find anything useful. Bill put his hand under his chin.
"You know Tom, life sometimes sucks."
"Hallelujah! My little brother had a brain storm."
"I'm being serious. Why is it some people get everything and some nothing?"
"I don't know. Have you asked God?"
"No, but I'm definitely planning on asking him that. It sucks to see people suffer."
Tom did not say anything. He just stared at the man. The homeless man did not seem bothered. He was happily humming and putting a few empty coke cans in his trolley. He walked away from them, disappearing at a corner. Tom sighed and stared at the wheel. They sat in silence.
When the building door opened, they saw a pale faced Christy coming out. Her head was bowed and her hands were in her pockets. Her slender shoulders were slumped and she seemed like she was at the verge of tears. She walked slowly to the car and before opening the door, turned around and looked at one of the windows. Bill and Tom automatically followed her gaze. They saw a white haired woman close the curtains and vanish behind them. Christy got in the car. She sat in the middle of the seat, her hands between her knees.
"So?"
"She doesn't live here anymore."
"Did you ask for her new address?"
"Yeah."
"So, we can go find her" Tom said, "If she's still in this town." He sounded hopeful.
"She is."
"That's good."
Christy looked up. Her eyes looked dry, hollow. She raised her hand with a piece of crumpled paper in it and gave the paper to Tom. He looked at it and his face turned pale. Bill looked at him curiously.
"What?"
Tom handed him the small piece of paper. Bill looked at it and his jaw dropped. He looked at Christy who was blankly staring at her feet.
"I'm so sorry Christy. Was she close to you?"
Christy just nodded.
"Do you wanna go there now?"
She nodded silently one more time. The buzzing noise in her ears was getting louder and louder. Tom started the car and moved to the direction of the only cemetery in town. It was not far from where they were.