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December 6, 2010
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(Contains: violence/gore)
The pain,
The smell of blood
And the breaking of each bone,
It all made her shiver.
She felt sick.
And still she listened.
In the darkness she listened
To the screams,
And smelled the blood
In the air.

She awaited and cried
Cried herself to sleep
And every time she heard it,
She trembled slightly.
She did not know,
When it would be the turn
For her pain to come.
The noises never died,
In her head she heard it all.

The moon shone
And she ran.
Her legs broken
And she still ran.
With what was left of her body
With what was left
Of her humanity.

She ran,
To put it all behind,
She didn't know
How it would hunt her
For the rest of her life!

She was called a victim,
She was called a hero,
And a survivor.
She was broken
Tormented,
And tortured.
Yet she said nothing.
She felt like a nightmare.
She tried to get away
And hide.

She heard it all
Over and over again.
All she saw was blood
Running down the mirror.
Blood that ran on the walls,
And on the ground.
She heard him say:
"Do it babe
It will be fun."
She pulled the trigger
To end the pain
Of someone she used to love.

She could see her
Suffer no more,
The smile at the end
Was all she remembered.
The calm, serene smile
And yet she woke up
Every night screaming,
For she knew
She was the one
Who killed them all!
She called herself
A killer in disguise.
I was watching this episode of criminal minds in which a psycho abducts three best friends and makes them turn on each other. he tells them that they have to choose one and kill her, then he'll let them go. the girls finally kill one friend to save themselves. it was horrible, the main idea for this poem came from there and a bit after watching "couples who kill" on discovery!! :crazy:
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:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2011
I like how you structured this. The metering of the words adds to the horror of the story. I like how you focus on the "victim", allowing the reader a glimpse into how she feels. A nice, deft touch was adding how others see her as a hero and survivor, yet contrasting that, was insight to how she felt.
Adding to the atmosphere was how you never really describe much of what she did, leaving that to the readers imagination. I think doing so increases the heaviness of the poem.
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:icondreamersleepwalker:
dreamersleepwalker Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2011
:phew: I always describe things too much when I'm writing a story so sometimes I try to leave some things to the imagination of the reader. I had the idea of someone killing a loved one to save her own life. still I tried not to explain it too much. I'm not a professional writer and a poem which sounded like a master piece can sound so crappy after two months. ur comment helps me see it from other people's point of view and improve my work. thanks a million for reading :)
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:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2011
Trying to find that balance between too much description and getting your point across is tough. I think a lot of it is just experience.
And I can sympathize completely with what should be a master piece of poem sounding so crappy. What helps me sometimes is to put it away and not look at it for a few months. It helps develop a detachment, a different perspective on what you have written.
I am glad my comment helped. I would be happy to look at some of your other work if you wanted.
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:icondreamersleepwalker:
dreamersleepwalker Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2011
you're right, putting the work aside and reading it
after sometime for sure is the best idea. that's why
most of my earlier works sound stupid to me and I
just wanna edit them.
that would be so nice of you. if you get the time
and energy to go through my poems and tell me the
flaws and mistakes I'd be more than happy, but if
you like it and have them time.
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:iconkira73:
Kira73 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
This piece has been featured here --> [link]

:heart: KM
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:icondreamersleepwalker:
dreamersleepwalker Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
I'm just speechless! don't know what to say, never thought a humble poem like this being worthy of a feature by a well respected group like yours. I'm truly flattered! thank you very, very much :woohoo:
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:iconkira73:
Kira73 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Very welcome. You might want to send a little love over to :iconemrose88: as well... she's in charge of the gallery. :)
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:icondreamersleepwalker:
dreamersleepwalker Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
gosh! that was so kind of her! I was talking to her about this poem and didn't know she was in charge of the gallery :blush: thanks for telling me that :sprint:
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:iconinkfiction:
InkFiction Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2010
You are so good at horror stories girl!!! :D
Love it!
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:icondreamersleepwalker:
dreamersleepwalker Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2010
I have had a great teacher to learn from ;)
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