The pain,
The smell of blood
And the breaking of each bone,
It all made her shiver.
She felt sick.
And still she listened.
In the darkness she listened
To the screams,
And smelled the blood
In the air.
She awaited and cried
Cried herself to sleep
And every time she heard it,
She trembled slightly.
She did not know,
When it would be the turn
For her pain to come.
The noises never died,
In her head she heard it all.
The moon shone
And she ran.
Her legs broken
And she still ran.
With what was left of her body
With what was left
Of her humanity.
She ran,
To put it all behind,
She didn't know
How it would hunt her
For the rest of her life!
She was called a victim,
She was called a hero,
And a survivor.
She was broken
Tormented,
And tortured.
Yet she said nothing.
She felt like a nightmare.
She tried to get away
And hide.
She heard it all
Over and over again.
All she saw was blood
Running down the mirror.
Blood that ran on the walls,
And on the ground.
She heard him say:
"Do it babe
It will be fun."
She pulled the trigger
To end the pain
Of someone she used to love.
She could see her
Suffer no more,
The smile at the end
Was all she remembered.
The calm, serene smile
And yet she woke up
Every night screaming,
For she knew
She was the one
Who killed them all!
She called herself
A killer in disguise.
Adding to the atmosphere was how you never really describe much of what she did, leaving that to the readers imagination. I think doing so increases the heaviness of the poem.
And I can sympathize completely with what should be a master piece of poem sounding so crappy. What helps me sometimes is to put it away and not look at it for a few months. It helps develop a detachment, a different perspective on what you have written.
I am glad my comment helped. I would be happy to look at some of your other work if you wanted.
after sometime for sure is the best idea. that's why
most of my earlier works sound stupid to me and I
just wanna edit them.
that would be so nice of you. if you get the time
and energy to go through my poems and tell me the
flaws and mistakes I'd be more than happy, but if
you like it and have them time.
Love it!